Monday, August 19, 2013

"Three Little Birds Sat on My Window..."

". . . and they told me I don't need to worry."  These lyrics are from Corinne Bailey Rae's song "Put Your Records On," and right now, they are describing how I am feeling about this whole visa situation (sans the birds literally appearing, because that would be weird).

The short version is that this whole attempt to get my visa has been a serious endeavor which has confirmed that I detest paperwork, resulted in many phone calls, spawned a ridiculous amount of emails, and generally created far too much stress in my life.  What it comes down to is that I now have seven days until I am scheduled to leave this country and I STILL do not have a student visa in my possession.

But it's all right.

No, really, it is - for once, I'm not being sarcastic.  See, here's what I've learned about myself: I do a lot of things and try to get a lot of things done.  And often, things don't quite go as planned (or they do, and it's still a lot!) and I end up getting more and more stressed and tense and snippy until tick-tick-BOOM!  Except there's no boom.  It's actually more of an implosion where I go from feeling insanely stressed to feeling complete and total apathy.  Things will be fine.  They'll work out, or they won't, and either way it'll be fine.  I have passed the point of caring.  Que sera, sera, to throw another song at you.

The only problem is that this state of mind often tends to hit before a lot of things are due, which gives me no motivation whatsoever to accomplish said things . . . eh.  The point is, folks, that this is how I'm feeling right now - my visa will come on time, or it won't.  We'll have to cancel and hopefully rebook my flight, or we won't.  We'll have to spend even more money than we already have to get this resolved, or we won't.

I'll go to India this fall . . . or I won't.

And it will be fine either way.  It truly, truly will.  As someone told me as I was talking about the whole saga, "If you're going to pray, don't worry.  And if you're going to worry, don't pray."  So right now, I'm just going to cooperate with my brain (already trying to tell me that all this worry isn't worth it), and really trust that the things that should happen will happen - and that whether I go or not, things will be good.  Or, to use the words of Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."

And you know what?  They will be.  They really will.

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